So I asked her how she knew about EM when so many others are clueless. She said that she has seen EM before as a complication from an Eating Disorder. She said that this would be secondary EM and that it might resolve but I am now more confused because I am not sure that I really believe her. She said that even though I have gone from 78-80 pounds to 103-105 in 10 months, that I still have to gain more weight to restore myself to a healthy nutritional state. I have never weighed 118 in my life and I sound really crazy here but please remember that I have an eating disorder so this won't sound rational to most of you.
I don't know how I can deal with this - because I am not sure she is right and I am eating so much right now I cannot imagine eating more and gaining more weight.
Then I feel so badly because I read all your posts and I see what you all are living with and I am 1,000,000% sure that if you were told that you could get better by just eating and gaining weight you would all do it a million times over.
I feel guilty that I can't do this. At least not now. I am just getting used to almost 30 new pounds I can't go to 40. It is so awful.
It is more than just not wanting to weigh more - the Ed is what keeps me calm I get all upset and anxious when I cannot control my weight and I have been purposely gaining weight for 10 months but I wish it had fixed my feet already. The pain was the only reason I stopped. But it is too much for me to do more right now. so I am stting here today realizing that I will have to deal with this pain which is ruining everything else because I have no guarantee that she is right. If she isn't then I will be in a state of complete disorder without the control which I feel from the Ed and with the pain.
I am so confused. I need more information before I just trust her. It is hard for me to trust people in general and I am way too scared about this. Should I see the Rheumatologist or is that just going to be another waste of $400??
I am sorry for this silly post but I am homebound on the weekend and I sit and think and cry and worry about all this.